Ice Carvings

due to creative differences, i have decided to part ways with my computer keyboard. every time i open my PC, i have to wait two hours for my keyboard to settle down. Until then, she (PC peripherals are feminine - they talk among themselves in a language i don't understand, they require expensive maintenance and upgrades, you have to know which buttons to push to turn them on, etc.) spews garbage characters every time i type. So e becomes e91, t becomes t-3 (then opens the search window), i becomes i6 then tabs to the next button. Oddly enough, the malady only affects the first alpha line (qwertyuiop). AAAAAR02R02R02R02R02GGH! T-3hi 6s i 6s t-3he91 pi 6t-3s! despite a number of proferred solutions, the problem still persists. I tried virus scans, spyware removal, pranic healing and american indian war chants. Each one to no avail. I tried to get her into counseling, but when i tried to email for an appointment, she muddled up the message and opened the Control Panel. I never foresa...

i was scanning old email earlier and found some poems written to me by a blue fairy about a couple of years ago. while i tried to keep in touch (just to keep in touch, really) with her by various means, she gave no indication whatsoever of a willingness to chat or exchange emails. while scanning i found the reason: SCAR What is there in that? To feel miserable about? When you captured A magical night With a sylph. And you yourself, A wizard Should know first-hand. That to be with her-- Is to be with Ether, Frost-sigh, And incense-smoke... That which is,...

funny what showers can do to you. i was busy lathering up and soaping myself when i realized that some(at least three) of my favorites songs curiously had the word "alone" to it: Leave Me Alone (New Order) I Alone (Live) Better Off Alone (Alice Deejay) Not to be defensive, but the songs above have another thing in common: they don't use the word "alone" in a negative, pitiful way. They're not crying loneliness, but rather prefer a solitary status. so it goes. -- Today also marks the confirmation of a long standing rule: never talk to someone either tired, sick or hungry. And especially never shoot the breeze with one who is all three. Tired, hungry, and sick people will never understand anything you say. Baser desires like food and rest press into their consciousness, throbbing like a migraine. It will always end up as a waste of bandwidth. --- despite my pronouncements on the freedom of being.. er... uh, free, clouds are fast approaching. events are taking...

this is one of the questions that has recently haunted me (actually, more like bit me on the leg...). Let's examine my new weekday routine: 9:00 am (minimum)- Wake Up 9:30 am - actually rise up 10:00 am - decide on breakfast while checking solar sports and JackTV 10:15 am - realize that nel, as usual, left breakfast ready and waiting since 8:00 am. 10:20 am - combination breakfast/wrestling on TV 11:00 am - go online, check email, check NBA on ESPN.com, then read the sports columns 11:30 am to 2:30 pm - get some actual work done, but in between final fantasy 8 battles, unlimited bathroom breaks, and trips to the fridge and the TV set. 2:45 pm - lunch with whatever is available downstairs. if newly minted, call for pizza or chicken. 3:30 pm - resume working (or downloading) 5:00 pm - stop working for no apparent reason. then grab a book. 6:00 pm - wind down and prepare for nel's arrival. 7:00 pm to 9:00 pm - dinner or whatever 9:30 pm - back upstairs, working or whatever. 1:00 a...

During one of my stints event managing, i was asked to be a producer/adviser to an Art contest anniversary AVP. The gig had me going to one of the only truly modern houses in the country. I was thinking of adding photos, but then again, we like keeping identities secret. Anyway, the owner of the house is a prominent writer and member of Manila's social circle. I was amazed: here i was gawking at the very nice house of a writer. Of course, my first internal question was: "How can you be so rich if you write for a living???" Wisely, i didn't say a word about this supposed conflict of interest. The owner warmed up after a few minutes, and began to talk earnestly. About every subject imaginable. During lulls in the video shoot (i was the producer/host no, i don't appear in the final version), we would fall into a lingering conversation about life and its infinite permutations. She was indefatigable. Then again, maybe all writers are, as a rule. They talk as much as th...

Between the searching and the need to work it out I stop believing everything will be alright Broken We are broken I'm walking uphill being turned around and round Secret in motion when my feet are on the ground Broken We are broken In my mind's eye One little boy anger one little man Funny how time flies - Broken, Tears for Fears i had the pleasure of watching concert DVDs last weekend at a family gathering (yep, i was at my brother-in-law's den, having a beer and ignoring everybody else). I was able to watch Tears for Fears - concert at Sta. Barbara before their breakup, and Queen - Freddie Mercury era and post. i was especially touched when Brian May went onstage and mentioned he was going to sing a song that he usually sang with Mercury. Love of my life, You hurt me, You broken my heart, Now you leave me Love of my life can't you see, Bring it back bring it back, Don't take it away from me, Because you don't know what it means to me Love of my life don't...

I have to hide Behind pixels of light For fear of fire down my eyes Innocent dots Form letters, then words As I try to hide my face But not my thoughts From you The soonest you turn off your interest The pixels begin to fade unsure of their outcome unaware of their purpose - Pixels, 1993/1994 One of the oldest poems i made, Pixels was born back when the things that matter to me are now downright laughable, my angst was fueled by pettiness, and my main worry was having enough money for lunch. Pathetic twerp that I am then, pathetic twerp with lunch money I am now. I wrote this around 1993/1994, way before email, chatting, and blogging were bywords we casually roll off our tongues as we sashay the sidewalks while sipping our lattes and listen to our MP3 players. Hell, i wrote this when the Internet was a term spoken in hushed tones in computer labs (i personally was introduced to the wide wild web in 1995 when i moved to DPSI, who owned the monopoly of selling Macs then). PIxels came fro...

(note: this title is not an original. i hacked it from a campaign made by one of the local shoe companies. If i remember which, i'll be glad to quote them.) I blew my extra money on shoes today. Not one pair but two pairs. For all you females out there, i know that buying more than a pair is more a norm rather than an exception. But this is my blog, and this is my story. anyway, it's not what i bought that enlightened me today. it's how i did so. earlier, i spent the better part of the afternoon making sense of a sales book that i'm supposed to summarize (i got a very good commendation for my first assignment summarizing books - the professional equivalent of stamping a star into the back of your hand when you recite in kindergarten class). After trying to do so (they were full of numbers), i gladly headed back to the summary office and asked for a new one instead. I also got my first payment in cold cash. It's not much, but it's unexpected money, so i decided t...

I hit my self-inflicted quota for March 5 days into the month. Which means any additional work or income would be a bonus. Or a cushion assuming that April begins a dry spell. Fortunately, I can't see that far into the future anyway, so i'll enjoy my victory, thank you very much. Whatever happens, Starbucks is fast becoming the winner in this epic struggle, as i have embarked on a daily fix of venti (20 oz) size latte. I realized i haven't been blogging as much as i should have, considering that i am my own bundy clock. But i guess i've been busy enough to hide my angst over people, situations, and the general malaise that envelops bored or stressed people. I'm not bored. I just pulled another all-nighter trying to make sense of a book called The Number. After reading it and turning in a 13-page essay, i felt deflated. It's not as easy as it seemed it would be (the book wasn't exactly a page-turner), but i got my motivation that the proceeds from this summar...

for someone who just escaped the 830 to 6 shift because of constricting methods in time and output, here i am typing up this entry somewhere in Makati on a Sunday dusk. Why? Because i have work to do. I just spent 3 consecutive all-nighters finishing up on a research document that should pay off in the form of money and additional contacts -- provided i do right. This was after an intense session of straight editing for another client. I realized that being your own boss also means being your own driver, messenger, secretary and clerk. Not to mention janitor. Anyway, this setup keeps my overhead low and with a few more projects in the next few days, i might just out-earn my previous full time gig. The perks are wonderful as well. I can oversleep, although i have yet to do so with the number of pending projects. I do have unrestricted access to the refrigerator and the cupboard, so breaktimes are always a possibility. Plus, whenever i get angsty, i can always go to the gym. Any time i w...

Live in Manila. Despite the helter skelter outside, restless souls like myself braved low fuel and potential barricades to escape for a few hours into the world where spandex-wearing men are considered cool, and spandex-wearing women look cool kicking ass. The show ended pretty earlier than I expected, so this is a rare time that i get to type my thoughts while fresh. I guess the earlier thing is the driving point of my adventure today. Everything was well below my expectations. I’m not blaming wrestling. There might be a few other factors, such as the sad fact that I was seated at the nosebleed section. Of course I tried getting nearer seats but aside from the fact that there were prohibitively expensive, they were also conveniently sold out. Like I mentioned earlier, it was only through the kindness of a benefactor that I was able to go in with my nephew and two sub-10 year nieces who are wrestling nuts in their own right. Throughout the show, i waged a losing war against vertigo and...

by sheer luck, i was able to get tickets to tonight's wrestling event at the Coliseum. I can't mention it out of respect to the donor's wishes of course but i'll be spending at least 4 hours shutting my brain down and letting emotion, mob hysteria, and swinging elbows rule my consciousnes. im not a wrestling fan like i used to, nut i can't help buying into the drama that is the WWE. I mean, everybody with elementary schooling should know the outcome of matches 2 minutes into the bell, and that wrestling referees are probably the only people outside this country being paid good money NOT to do their jobs. anyway, i've been selling myself too much over the last few days, and my Freelance love letter has achieved its objective. I'm less worried about getting enough to do and more worried of establishing priorities over the volume of work i have right now. I guess there is some truth in the adage "Believe." No other supporting words are necessary for t...

Panic on the streets of QC Panic on the streets of Ortigas I wonder to myself Could life ever be sane again ? The EDSA streets that you slip down I wonder to myself Hopes may rise on the Circle But Honey Pie, you're not safe here So you run down To the safety of the town But there's Panic on the streets of EDSA QC, Pasig, Makati I wonder to myself... Burn down the disco Hang the blessed DJ Because the music that they constantly play IT SAYS NOTHING TO ME ABOUT MY LIFE Hang the blessed DJ Because the music they constantly play On the EDSA streets that you slip down Provincial towns you jog 'round Hang the DJ, Hang the DJ, Hang the DJ - with apologies to the Smiths, but nobody understands English geography here I woke up in cold sweat earlier. Nel must have turned off the aircon again. Then, i realized something more pressing... I'm about to suck it all in, and join the wonderful ranks of the Free...lancers. Not for anything, but i guess my wonderful rate has made me unhi...

Words like violence Break the silence Come crashing in Into my little world Painful to me Pierce right through me Can’t you understand Oh my little girl All I ever wanted All I ever needed Is here in my arms Words are very unnecessary They can only do harm Vows are spoken To be broken Feelings are intense Words are trivial Pleasures remain So does the pain Words are meaningless And forgettable Enjoy the silence. - Depeche Mode, "Enjoy the Silence" Yesterday was shaping out into a the confines of boring, as i canceled my real appointments, hoped for unexisting ones, then realizing the fuitility, opted to stay home and entrench myself with war movies and some Nachos. I was looking forward to a nice night of badminton, but Nel had to cancel last minute, as she was overwhelmed with work. You've got to take the bitter from the better, so to provide her with some semblance of comfort, i whipped up some battered pork chops, breaded wings, hot and sour soup, and two frosted glas...

like the idiot that i am, i separated my last blog into two entries - the missing one being about the ULTRA tragedy. I made a very objective piece and copied it for pasting. Then, i had to paste a Jason Mraz lyric on my earlier entry. like the idiot that i am, i copied the text...and overwrote my stinging diatribe. like the idiot that i am, i lost a very strring piece that i cannot recreate ever again. like the idiot that i am, i did all that for the glory of plagiarizing a stupid song i can't completely like in the first place.

i ran into an recently-old friend via Yahoo Messenger earlier, and she was taken by our previous chat topic that she wholesaledly cut portions of it and posted it on her blog. How a simple conversation blossomed into a full blog topic is beyond me, but i guess i'm missing the big picture. It got me into thinking that this blog experience, while bordering on relative anonymity, is really a vanity showpiece for the select few you honor by giving out your URL or Not. I prefer my blog as it is. While generic most of the time, i leave enough cryptic clues to specific targets so that only they may get the message. - Let's talk about account servicing... and speaking of messages, here's a scenario: Imagine presenting to a client with all aplomb and getting favorable reactions (like you caught the normally reserved client on a good day). You even go so far as to have the client sign an MOA. Inexplicably, you let a week (not a weekend) pass without getting back to the client...not e...

i just got tagged by Kai, who despite her no-nonsense approach to food, and her straight-shooting ways, occasionally dabbles with forwarded messages. For the love of God, why? Examples include a warning that Coke can erode your teeth and that plastics in microwaves are cancerous, so i guess it only proves that nobody's perfect. Anyway, i was a bit surprised with this topic, mainly because i definitely have more than 10 quirks. Plus, i don't do much blog-hopping, so it's a problem for me to tag someone else. On a side note, any email message that starts with FWD: FWD: FWD: FWD: FWD: FWD: This is funny!! might really be funny, but not worth the number of FWDs you see. Anyway, here's my list: As homage to Kai, i'll put a food-related entry as number one: 1. I cannot put any condiment on my main plate, unless it's mixed with the rice or food i'm eating. You know the usual routine where you put ketchup or soy sauce on the upper left or upper right side of your p...

hurray! my PC has been resurrected from the dead. “And hast thou slain the Jabberwock? Come to my arms, my beamish boy! O frabjous day! Callooh! Callay!” He chortled in his joy. - Lewis Carroll, "Jabberwocky" i can never thank rene and nel enough for this. Rene is a genius, putting back my PC after i blew it apart trying to find what's wrong. He was able to isolate the problem -- which would cost me around P4,500 bucks. This guy is amazing - he can troubleshoot a PC over the phone and tell me what to do and what to look for. And all for the cost of 4 bottles of Red Horse and an old Gilbey's Gin i stowed away from a previous adventure. Of course, Nel played an equally important role. She approved my plea for help, opened up the skies, and coughed up the dough so i can have a new 17" monitor. and now i can blog without straining my eyes... the better part, having fixed my "image" problem, the missing RAM (which i mentioned a few blogs ago) resurfaced, and...

of all the dumb luck, my PC gave up on me again. 2 nights ago while i trying to get some software for the iPOD i borrowed from my nephew. did all the classic troubleshooting like taking the PC apart and putting it back together, and the monitor still played dead. imagine my worst case scenario: being at home with nothing to do (since going freelance, there are days when i have nothing to do), and the only comfort aside from rewatching DVDs is the PC - where i can surf, chat, check email, blog, download or play RPGs (just final fantasy VIII, no online stuff). and now that has been taken from me, albeit temporary. so im now sitting in this stupid internet cafe, using a dominant casing white PC and trying my best to ignore the 2 youngsters next to me playing an online RPG against each other and doing play-by-play commentary while at it. I'm fighting a losing battle. . . Boredom is not the issue here. It's the feeling of helplessness that comes when the machine breaks down. Even th...

really.. somebody wake me up when january ends...i'm still in a daze of the things i learn about. i'm not going to be stupid enough to mention all (or even some) of the things i found out. if this is going to be the trend for me the whole year, i'm in deep trouble... but in the context of trouble that Harry Potter loves facing, as long as he can count on his invisibility cloak and the assistance of Hermione and Ronald. A year ago, a few months ago, or even 4 or 5 weeks ago, the world was round for me. Now, i'm not sure. Last year, the Kings were racking up a winning season. A lot of my beliefs have been challenged, a lot of words have flattered me silly, and a lot of things have conspired to bring me to a realization that my life is not up to me. silly me. of course it's not. anyway, in these crossroads, i reminded myself of a very astute quotation: "In the fight between you vs. the world, back the world." Which makes sense. So i just go with the flow. Som...