Day Two: Diary of a Starfish

i hate Holy Week.

Talk about invasion of privacy. What's so holy about that?

One week a year and tourists go ape shit. I wish to God they'd be content to watch you in your natural habitat. But nooo. They pick you up, turn you around, and take stupid videos of you doing what comes naturally.

Here i am, minding my own fucking business -- mind you, the harmless business of burying myself halfway in the sand, and feeding on plankton. For God's sake, plankton! microscopic organisms nobody would miss. And i do my part in keeping the ocean clean. Then these bastards come in droves during Holy Week. They crowd the shores, and they have the nerve to pick on wildlife. Harmless fucking wildlife that survived millions of years of evolution, only to be picked up by a 30-year old in an outdated Kings jersey for the sole reason he doesn't know what starfish do when they flip over.

The nerve of the retro-loving bastard. I do what i do, what nature taught me to do. Survive. I flip over by myself. Is that worth taking a video? Not once, not twice but three times over?

I gotta hand the guy some credit though. Had the decency to take footage with me submerged in the saltwater. He may have placed me upside down on his leg, but at least the jerk kept it submerged the whole time he was taking his video. I must admit i'm thankful that misplaced Kings fan put me back in the ocean after his film fetish was over. Jacques Costeau he ain't, nor will he ever be...

I feel even sadder for the rest of my colony, whom two boys unmercifully harvested and put in two plastic cups to take home the next. For the sheer, ignorant enjoyment of getting something they have no need of, unmindful of the fact that their crude form of entertainment spells death to the rest of us.

But does that mean I should be thankful to that guy in the Chris Webber jersey?

Comments

Kai said…
Haha, starfish, did the retro guy say he's 30 years old? Please forgive his antics, he's in the denial stage, not wanting to accept that's he's already two years beyond 30. And yeah, that's childish curiosity, he hasn't been to the beach often.
10:29 PM
iceman said…
yeah kai that's right...

choose the starfish over me.
10:58 PM
Anonymous said…
i didn't know that starfish loved invectives as much as richard nixon did
12:27 AM
iceman said…
hi. normally starfish prefer using polite language. this particular one got off the wrong side of the seabed during production.

i guess i would too if they take pictures and video of me without permission.
3:58 AM
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