I Love Christmas but I Hate Christmas Songs

If we can all vote and get rid of one Christmas tradition, i would mount a signature campaign of at least 1 million john hancocks to eradicate once and for all the scourge of the Lenten Season:

The Christmas Song.

Nothing irritates the beejezus out of me that hearing the same muzak over and over - in elevators, malls, restrooms, radio stations. Somehow this genre has given countless no-hacks the reason to come up with a single or even worse, a compilation.

Here's a definitive list of why i hate them jingle bells.

1. The lyrics are mostly nonsense.
take Jingle Bell Rock for example:
Jingle bell, jingle bell
Jingle bell rock
Jingle bell swing
And jingle bells ring
Snowin' and blowin'
Up bushels of fun
Now the jingle hop has begun

Jingle bell, jingle bell
Jingle bell rock
Jingle bells chime in
Jingle bell time
Dancin' and prancin'
In jingle bell square
In the frosty air

Somebody beat the author with a 2 day old loaf of french bread until he pleads for mercy.

2. Despite being Holiday songs, some are downright depressing
Try listening to O Holy Night or Silent Night while alone in your room while everybody is vacationing in Cebu or somewhere. Then, pull the rifle out. The situation is bad enough, and the song will remove all hesitations about killing yourself.

Fall on your knees
Oh hear the angel voices

3. Contrary to popular opinion, Alvin and the Chipmunks are NOT cute.
C'mon. It was a 29 RPM record played on 45, an honest mistake and somebody is now laughing their way to the bank. After the 3rd song (if you're dumb enough to buy an album), you feel a warm sensation equal to running your nails through a blackboard.

4. Christmas Songs are an excuse for wannabe singers to cut a horrible single.
I kinda like that Christmas song done on "Love Actually." But for everybody else, there's not much incentive. And why would i want 1000 different interpretations of "God Bless Ye Merry Gentlemen?"

I don't even like the original.

5. They make snow sound like fun
HA! Like i could care less. There are greater chances of raining frogs or a sea of blood than snowing here. And for those countries like Antartica, Siberia, Northern Canada, try making them evoke warm memories about playing in the snow. I bet they'd share stories about noses falling off, blackened feet, and locking yourself out of the house in minus -10 degrees weather.

Other than that, i like the Holiday Season. The sheer commerciality of it. Gifts, food, and the loot.

And yes, Christ was also born this day, for those of you who don't know it yet.

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