Ice Carvings

for most, the current bleak weather is something to be dreaded about. Me? I'm comfortably weird, so this weather somewhat makes me feel good. The gray overcast sky that threatens rain and any moment but won't yet? I used to walk along the tree lined avenues of UP wearing a flowing coat during these times. Of course, when the mood darkens and rains pour nonstop, the fun ceases. It's gonna be hard laughing knowing some of your countrymates' houses are being swept away by floods that could have been easily prevented. I'm digressing. Weather like this kinda recharges my batteries and helps keep me in perspective. The imminent threat of rain brings a promise that whatever recent bad days you might have will now be washed away. Which reminds me of a classic toad the wet sprocket song: Nothings so loud As hearing when we lie The truth is not kind And youve said neither am i But the air outside so soft is saying everything Everything All I want is to feel this way To be thi...

just finished an afternoon shopping for groceries and doing nominal household chores. Considering nel's bed rest condition and the maid's newbie status, things still need to get done around the house, i had to play saturday as chore day. even if i just arrived hours earlier from the Okto opening in Sta. Rosa. Four days of work-related drink makes one yearn for Saturdays. Thankfully manang was helping in eliminating the basic workload. a trip to the grocery, paying the bills, and a cleanup later, i got kinda into the mood and looked for anything else to do. So i went to my Kings sanctuary (which i haven't visited in a while) and took a look at my CD collection. To call it a collection is a stretch, as i have mostly new wave and alternative compilations. Thankfully, there are only a few CDs that i regret buying, and i became fonder with some over the years. As soon as i finished my inventory, i found out i was missing a few CDs and a couple of CD cases. Hopefully, they'll...

yep, sometimes being a jack-of-all-trades can be a good thing. while i'm more successful at taking things apart more than getting them back together on, i kinda like the feeling knowing that you can fix things even if you're not really trained to do so. some of the things i was able to repair on my own include my first Playstation One, a couple of my cellphones when they display basic problems, my computers (work and home), the wifi server, simple car trouble, etc. You get the picture. Not that i saved money by repairing things on my own. Like i mentioned, i often break more than i repair. It's just that nothing beats the feeling that you know what's wrong about something and have an inkling how to repair it. I tried my hand at the 21 inch TV set lounging idly for months now and took it apart. I saw the problem and i have the tools. Believe me, some people have a toolbox, i have a toolshed. No wonder visitors keep calling me a tool. Going back, i ripped the TV to its ba...

i've been looking tired the past few weeks owing to a killer schedule, a disoriented state of wakefulness, and a lot of mental anguish about the future involving intangible theories. If there's one thing i'm good at, it's advertising my state of mental being. And now that actual developments have surfaced, i had to look at myself in the mirror, as I realize that the worst thing i can do at times like these is to play the part of the clueless. Or indifferent. Or even tired. Looking back, i guess there are three explanations, all valid: - where i am abundant in terms of rationalization, i sorely lack in empathy - where i am abundant in terms of lucidity, i sorely lack in perspective - where i am abundant in terms of expression, i sorely lack in due selection Then after a budget meeting and before i had to rush back to my office to play host to a group of visitors, i had to rush home and take the very pregnant nel to the hospital and find out why she's having contracti...

Owing to my natural lack of inclination to units of time, i have realized only lately that i have recently completed three (3) full years of service to what is locally meant as "the company." Yep. While this may sound like a very shallow premise to a blog entry, i never really claimed any discernible depth the whole time i was blogging. This simply means that you better suppress your groan and keep reading. There is nothing good on TV on a typical saturday night. Anyways, i thought it would be fun to do a list of some of the things i learned during my 1st three years stay here, grouped in lists of 3. Posts on a staggered basis. The things i do to fall asleep. List one: 3 things i learned while chained to the desk: 3. A great company can have really old furniture and get away with it. I can swear that some of the desks have chewing gum stuck in them, whose brands have been well extinct from the market twenty years or so. Does Tarzan gum ring a bell? 2. There are really instanc...

Hit by the mighty hammer of insomnia yet again. I really thought that an honest week's work would help do the trick in curing my inability to sleep as of late, but so far i think i made things worse. I am physically drained yet i find myself wide awake at 2am. My state of sobriety is variable during these last two weeks but when i wake at 2, it's either the pangs of hunger, the dryness of the mouth, or the acid taste in the throat are what's there to keep me awake. I need the sleep. (posted via ipod 849pm)

anybody traversing julia vargas cor. meralco avenue going to megamall is bound to get caught idling at the corner waiting for the light to turn green. In most cases, you'll encounter a poor blind old man begging for whatever money you can spare. Once in your periphery, this gentleman will always capture your attention, if only for the fact that he uses a long tree branch to "feel" incoming cars and sidle up to the windows and ask for alms. My initial encounter with this guy generated both worry (that he might scrape the paint off the car with his careless groping) and pity (he's an poor old man) so i rolled down the window and handed over a few coins as the light was about to go green. However, something inside me was telling me that there is something fishy with the whole setup. On the last second before i crossed the intersection, it hit me. The guy, poor and blind, was wearing a digital wristwatch! I managed to shout out to him "Bakit ka may relos manong?...

If I could look beyond your face And photograph your hidden place Would I find you smiling in the picture I don't know what you want Because you don't know, So what's the point of asking You're almost happy Almost content But your head hurts Far too many ways to go We learn so much but never know Where to look Or when we should stop looking I can love the whole of you. The poetry I stole from you And hide inside my stomach You're almost happy Almost content But your head hurts It's easy to get lost in you And fall asleep inside of you I want to return to you A reason to be here A reason to be here No I don't know what you want And you don't know So what's the point of asking You're almost happy Almost content But your head hurts - K's Choice, "Almost Happy"

i am in denial. i am in denial over denial. i deny that i am in denial. over denial. and the movies that i chose to watch didn't exactly help me get over my denial. which movies? Trainspotting. Fight Club. American Beauty. Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon. And backed out of the last minute to watch Saving Private Ryan again. And what does this list say? That i should be in denial.

what is it about people and mass graves? tourists love their photos taken, and that includes getting souvenir shots at some place where tragedy has befallen at one time or another. why would people do that? i have no idea, and then i realized i was such a person myself. I had the revelation while staying at Sibuyan island, where the newest maritime vessel sank after typhoon Frank and took a couple hundred lives with it. i requested that we drop by and visit the place, which really spoke of its horrors even months after the tragedy. So, i was standing there, letting the experience come to me, when my hosts nudged me and reminded me to bring my camera out. It was time to take a souvenir photo before we leave, as it was starting to rain. That was when i realized that there is a morbid fascination with people and death. for fear of offending my very gracious hosts, i joined the souvenir photo session, although i can swear i can hear the low moans of the dead as we smiled in front of the c...

after a few weeks of hellish work, i was able to sit down and watch some well-deserved DVDs. My weekend list included some notable classics like Blade Runner (thanks jays and sonee!), Anchorman: the legend of ron burgundy, Final Fantasy VII Advent Children, michael moore's Sicko, and Cruel Intentions. I put in Cruel Intentions as the last for saturday's list, and like my previous viewings, it disturbed me. and this movie has no equal in cruelty, whether implied or stated. mean, there are a thousand other films more evil or horrifying, but in terms of cruelty just for the heck of it, this movie is head and shoulders above the rest. In my humble opinion (okay, let's drop the humble part since this is my blog and i can be as blatant as i can), most "bad" movies have an ulterior motive: money, power, revenge - mostly in the name of business. This is best exemplifiedby classics such as Wall Street and the Godfather series. In others, a woman scorned or love gone wrong...

Been thinking about you, your record's a hit Your eyes are on my wall, your teeth are over there But I'm still no-one, and you're not a star What do you care? Been thinking about you, and there's no rest Shit, I still love you, still see you in bed But I'm playing with myself, and what do you care When the other men are far, far better All the things you got All the things you need Who bought you cigarettes and bribed the company To come and see you, honey I've been thinking about you, so how can you sleep These people aren't your friends, they're paid to kiss your feet But they don't know what I know, and why should you care When I'm not there Been thinking about you, and there's no rest Shit, I still love you, still see you in bed But I'm playing with myself, what do you care When I'm not there All the things you got, you'll never need All the things you got, I'm planning to please you, please you - Radiohead, "Thi...

This is what you get from high energy collisions between everything else that matters and this yet it exists it matters in the sense that it doesn't mattter considering the very short lifespan but yet it exists though in the blink of an eye. this is what you get when you collide it with everything else that matters in the blink of an eye and all that remains is everything else that matters antimatter can't be stored as it destroys everything that matters but yet it exists you can't make anything matter without creating antimatter in the process - June 29

finally, after more than a month packing it in... the house is almost guest-ready.. the last stumbling block to fall, the DSL connection, was installed just this weekend. Now i am ready to lord it over. and hopefully, this new setup will inspire me to blog a bit more this year...last year was a bit ironic.. plenty of things to write about but nothing coming out the brain into the fingers. i'm 35 for chrissakes. Understandably, I never felt this old before...

I came up with the idea, but i had second thoughts. Nel ignored my blather and proceeded to pack three days worth of clothes for a day tour to Subic. At first i grumbled about the distance. Then, i groused about the steep admission price. Still then, i tried to point out that animals were being kept captive. Finally, i mumbled something about too many visitors and too few attractions. Hours later, i left Ocean Adventure feeling a bit better. About the animals, about the sea, and about me. The aquarium was a bit small by oceanarium standards, but they did house a pretty good collection of sea creatures that i rarely saw during my snorkeling sessions. The sea lion show was pretty entertaining, but it was nonsensical as most animal comedies are. But the dolphin show was way out of sight. Seeing it up close was way way way cooler than watching it on TV. And getting to hear them and touch them was icing on the cake. Like i mentioned earlier, the place is a bit smallish. You can tour the who...

it's been a while since my last post, even though there are far great things that have happened since. I know documenting things are pretty much a good thing, but i guess i'm far too involved with my own life to stop and take a breather and write everything down. I'm probably too busy savoring these moments. Or maybe it's because i spend every free time trying desperately to: a. finish the goddamn Pillar of Osiris medium level at Luxor b. have my Legend of Zelda disc work on the Wii. c. fix the crashed external drive full of my pics, music files, poems, and PSP games. at any rate, i've been given a new assignment, one that involves a new office, and a chance to travel and get to know the real country - not just the tourist traps. And i get to interact with all sorts of characters known to society. Of course, i didn't like the idea of moving at first. New location, new job, new things to do. I chafe at the thought of adjusting once again, but upon hindsight i gue...

i might be mistaken, but i think Beerkada author Lyndon Gregorio followed up on a promise and featured me and San Mig Light marketing guy Herbert in a Beerkada comic strip last Monday. I kinda downloaded the image but linked up to Lyndon's website. The resemblance might be vague at best, but see if you can recognize me... This sure beats the hell out of FrancisM's promise to give me his James 23 shirt.

yes. We blew all our vacation moolah with the Boracay trip late Januar, so we'll have to lay back and enjoy the city as the metropolis empties itself. Hey, if i got nothing to do, i'm doing it at home... Happy Holy Week!

After a month of waiting for it to happen, it's finally over. my second trip to bora - this time with nel, was way better than expected. being our 5th anniversary, it was high time we tried for a real honeymoon and what better place that we can afford than the one great beach she hasn't been to yet? I was expecting a small crowd to join us on our trip since it was off-peak season, but then i realized while waiting at the airport that in matters like Boracay, there is no such thing as off-peak. More people than ever, foreigners especially, are avoiding the holiday season and coming to the white beach in droves during the months and weeks we locals are supposed to work or study. I was watching a gaggle of Americans waiting for the same plane. I assume they were American, as they are the only culture i know that despite their skin tone, still firmly believe that buying native wear would make them blend in with the local citizenry. So here there are, happily congregating at the wai...