Here we go again...
This is why events unnerve me,
They find it all, a different story,
Notice whom for wheels are turning,
Turn again and turn towards this time,
All she asks the strength to hold me,
Then again the same old story,
Word will travel, oh so quickly,
Travel first and lean towards this time.
Oh, Ill break them down, no mercy shown,
Heaven knows, its got to be this time...
- "Ceremony," Joy Division
Positivism hates me.
i was hoping that this day would be a very good day. turned out on all fronts it wouldn't. From the time i left the house to the time i went back, my high hopes were somehow blindsided by reality.
And to thihk i was expecting a great week...funny how reality bites when you least expect it.
the final humiliating moment came when i attended an event earlier tonight, in really good spirits. it was pre-launch for a good project, and i was hoping that as a consultant, i would finally break free from the chains of being a lackey.
i arrived a full 30 minutes before the program, and upon looking at the people, i realized it was bit of a semi-formal affair. Here i was in maroon polo and 501s, and immediately, my friend, who was a director of the company and one whom i helped create his company collaterals, started frowning at my choice of clothes. Was i supposed to wear the white shirt, tie, and formal slacks whereas they proclaimed me a non-employee?
i got to work immediately despite the fact that I came there with the belief that i am in between guest and consultant. A presentation needed tweaking, so i dived in and edited the content to shorten. Next, i checked the handwritten program to see if everything's ok.
as expected from a handwritten script, the program was badly organized, but i tried to do everything i can to help - to the point that i was personally clicking the left and right buttons to the powerpoint presentations while the speakers droned on. I was doing this kneeling in full view of the 150-plus audience. I also did time handing out microphones whenever one conks out, and shuttled in between the DJ booth and the light switches to create the desired effect.
Although i wasn't expecting a big thank you and a slap across the back, i got a bit pissed with the fact that during the closing moments of the night, my friend managed to admit in front of everybody that it was a lousy program and hinted that it was my fault for not being involved in the preparation stages.
huh? I would have gladly done so had he took the initiative of asking me. I did get a phone call 2 hours before the event to asking me to arrive earlier than planned. but i already had things planned.
The sad fact is, I am not a paid employee of the company (only promises of a big payoff in the undetermined future) but at the moment, i've been doing their drty work of putting everything in paper for over three months now - pro bono.
And now that chaos ruled the event (although it was successful one), I guess i was expected to act as the assistant all over again, to do this and that, so that the masters could sit down, enjoy dinner, and shoot the bull with the guests. Never mind the dirty stuff, yours truly can sweat it out. And they want me wearing business attire?
I mean, i may not be considered a real guest, but at the least i had hoped to be an observer. By helping out with the small details when i planned to eat and watch the proceeding, this is the thanks i get: a broadside fired at me for seemingly not helping enough.
considering i never signed on to become an assistant, much less a staffer, plus the fact that im bleeding money in the effort, i think it would be a bit fair for me to be major embarassed. so after the customary picture session with the group (it's rude to refuse in the company of so many, and im not about to let my feelings get out), i said goodbye to the sales staff, but didn't do so to my friend. Just left in a huff.
---
It's beginning to feel like the same thing all over again and again and again. Sometimes, i do wish that people would take pains to appreciate my efforts at being there at the now. What happens instead is that they base their interaction on their expectations and not on what you actually did. Notwithstanding gratitude, this is what i got:
another reason to stay home.
They find it all, a different story,
Notice whom for wheels are turning,
Turn again and turn towards this time,
All she asks the strength to hold me,
Then again the same old story,
Word will travel, oh so quickly,
Travel first and lean towards this time.
Oh, Ill break them down, no mercy shown,
Heaven knows, its got to be this time...
- "Ceremony," Joy Division
Positivism hates me.
i was hoping that this day would be a very good day. turned out on all fronts it wouldn't. From the time i left the house to the time i went back, my high hopes were somehow blindsided by reality.
And to thihk i was expecting a great week...funny how reality bites when you least expect it.
the final humiliating moment came when i attended an event earlier tonight, in really good spirits. it was pre-launch for a good project, and i was hoping that as a consultant, i would finally break free from the chains of being a lackey.
i arrived a full 30 minutes before the program, and upon looking at the people, i realized it was bit of a semi-formal affair. Here i was in maroon polo and 501s, and immediately, my friend, who was a director of the company and one whom i helped create his company collaterals, started frowning at my choice of clothes. Was i supposed to wear the white shirt, tie, and formal slacks whereas they proclaimed me a non-employee?
i got to work immediately despite the fact that I came there with the belief that i am in between guest and consultant. A presentation needed tweaking, so i dived in and edited the content to shorten. Next, i checked the handwritten program to see if everything's ok.
as expected from a handwritten script, the program was badly organized, but i tried to do everything i can to help - to the point that i was personally clicking the left and right buttons to the powerpoint presentations while the speakers droned on. I was doing this kneeling in full view of the 150-plus audience. I also did time handing out microphones whenever one conks out, and shuttled in between the DJ booth and the light switches to create the desired effect.
Although i wasn't expecting a big thank you and a slap across the back, i got a bit pissed with the fact that during the closing moments of the night, my friend managed to admit in front of everybody that it was a lousy program and hinted that it was my fault for not being involved in the preparation stages.
huh? I would have gladly done so had he took the initiative of asking me. I did get a phone call 2 hours before the event to asking me to arrive earlier than planned. but i already had things planned.
The sad fact is, I am not a paid employee of the company (only promises of a big payoff in the undetermined future) but at the moment, i've been doing their drty work of putting everything in paper for over three months now - pro bono.
And now that chaos ruled the event (although it was successful one), I guess i was expected to act as the assistant all over again, to do this and that, so that the masters could sit down, enjoy dinner, and shoot the bull with the guests. Never mind the dirty stuff, yours truly can sweat it out. And they want me wearing business attire?
I mean, i may not be considered a real guest, but at the least i had hoped to be an observer. By helping out with the small details when i planned to eat and watch the proceeding, this is the thanks i get: a broadside fired at me for seemingly not helping enough.
considering i never signed on to become an assistant, much less a staffer, plus the fact that im bleeding money in the effort, i think it would be a bit fair for me to be major embarassed. so after the customary picture session with the group (it's rude to refuse in the company of so many, and im not about to let my feelings get out), i said goodbye to the sales staff, but didn't do so to my friend. Just left in a huff.
---
It's beginning to feel like the same thing all over again and again and again. Sometimes, i do wish that people would take pains to appreciate my efforts at being there at the now. What happens instead is that they base their interaction on their expectations and not on what you actually did. Notwithstanding gratitude, this is what i got:
another reason to stay home.
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