Dissipate

ah.. 38 is such a special number. Ask Smith & Wesson.

Half a month into my half-life stage and i still have nothing to show for it. IF my life would flash before my eyes prior to the collision, what would it show? Probably my last few PowerPoint presentations. I can hear the eulogy now... "He was a monster with those slides!"

But I digress. I'm 38 years old. It might not be old, but that's not young.

And at 38, life has beaten me into submission. Gone are the grandiose plans, the oaths to turn this world to its knees through a combination of talent, luck and ambition. The drive to write the next great potboiler, the next immortal poem, the year's best screenplay. Again, PowerPoint rears its ugly head into the visuals...shit.

I'm not complaining though.

I'm better off. And only because i worked my ass off. So now, bills are a source of amusement rather than a dreadful thing. Of course, this doesn't mean I'm rich now. But we'll get there.

I'm older - although not necessarily wiser. I now know the difference between drinking and getting smashed. And i now have the luxury of choosing which state i want to go home in, rather than going into default mode (smashed) every time.

I'm a father. The thought of your son calling for you to proudly show his newest act of destruction, now that's something to experience. This from a guy who used to think that parenthood is overrated. Here's a tip: when tasked with babysitting, keep reminding yourself of Finding Nemo, where Marlin promised his son that "I'll never let anything happen to you." Dory found it weird that someone would promise something like that...

I'm more at peace. No more waging wars with common sense. I now understand what they meant when they said "In the fight between you and the world, bet on the world." The secret? I stopped caring.

This, i guess is the moral of the story. At 38, my greatest achievement is that i stopped caring for cobwebs, confused states, concepts, and cloudy skies.

Whatever it is i am now or whatever I'm not anymore, I'm living it.

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