Buko Man and The Girl in Thongs
(Publisher's Note: i am already delirious with the thought of converting that suggestive title into a steamy novel, and visions of money bags coming from film rights and royalties are dancing around my head. Like the sleazy Pinoy director, i might even get to pick the cast...and in today's crisis, stars will do anything to get the lead role.
Unfortunately, the contents of today's journal are nothing like what the title suggests.)
Some things you take for granted. You do them without much thought. Getting up to go to work. Checking your wallet and your cell before locking the front door. And going around the car before you ride in it.
Going from house to the office is a neverending decision on which way to go, yet you always take the common sensical approach and still drive down the usual route.
This is the curious case of how i see my day will shape up. The presence of two omens are my daily oracle, and i have no idea when or how it started.
Commercial Rant
Let me rant about trapik.com for a while before i go back to this edition's premise. Here you are, stuck at EDSA and burn with anticipation at the next segment where Bianca (or whoever else is pinchhitting at the moment) will advise you.
Why? What's the point of her advising me that EDSA is at a logjam? Im kinda stuck in the middle. Too late, Bianca. Even worse, she spends the next 2 minutes describing traffic conditions at SLEX, Commonwealth, or Recto.
Hello? Im at EDSA. It just happened they report about EDSA at 6 am and 9 am, which is the times im either at home or already at work. All i wanted was to find out if another decrepit bus or 18-wheeler decided to call it quits at the middle of the road and takes everybody else with them...
Throughout it all, im still stuck at EDSA, while minutes are nervously ticking away.
-----
Part One: Buko Man
OK, so where were we? Ah yes, I usually take the East Avenue route going to EDSA from my place, but since the place is crawling with PUVs, i take the back alley approach and enter through a parallel road. No mess, no fuss.
However, on the junction that leads directly under the Kamuning flyover, i have to pass a narrow street. It is in this intersection where i meet Buko Man, the first of two precognizants of how my day would fare.
Buko Man is obviously a self-made individual, servicing the coco cravings of the community at the back of LTO. Personally, i loathe him and his buko-esque appearance. He carries the standard fare of bukos, a trusty saber, and his long-and-wide wooden cart. Problem is, Buko
Man staked a spot at exactly the intersection of where i pass.
This situation is compounded by the fact that a pipeline curiously protrudes in the middle of the road, so if you won't be careful navigating, your wheel or your axle would cleanly smack into the pipe, producing that melodious sound of metal grating against metal.
You do the math. Swerve wide to avoid hitting his cart, but not too wide as to hit the pipe. The situation even gets worse when you have other cars up front and behind.
And in between, Buko Man just stands there, looking smugly at you. Oooh, so help me.
There are days when Buko Man is sick, late getting up, or called to ply his trade somewhere. And those times are when i would be relieved and say this might turn out to be a lucky day...
Part Two: The Girl in Thongs
Upon escaping EDSA, i take the Ortigas flyover and turn towards ADB avenue in a looping manner. I don't dare challenge the concrete barriers, as they make an even more abrasive sound that metal-to-metal.
Coming into Galleria, i have two choices, turn left and pass between Galle and Poveda or right where i take the parking entrance. Taking the right gives me a traffic-free and direct path, but it's not always available at the time i come in.
If i chose that path, it will lead me to the side of the mall where they have various posters on display. One of them is The Girl in Thongs.
Actually, she's advertising Sorella undergarments (i think so, since there's nothing else to see). However, she is crouched in such a way that she displays cleavage but doesn't have a clear view of her thongs. The picture is cropped in such a way as only the topmost part of the thongs are seen.
Obviously, i like what i see, but traveling in a dark tunnel doesn't really afford me the chance to slow down to a crawl to admire the handiwork. Even if i did, there's always too little to see. Luckily for me, she manages to fix me with a half smile. My heart starts to race as i make the final two turns before descending into the Hades of a building i call the office.
My fixation with TGIT became apparent when i realized that after driving by TGIT for the hundredth time, i noticed that i was opening my headlights to shine into the poster. Not that it helps the view, but i think i do that to signify my presence to her.
"I'm here, baby, and i'm glad to see you. Can you turn around just this once?"
Once of these days, i'll give her a name.
----
Part Three: I Ching, Iceman
In summary:
Buko Man + The Girl in Thongs =
OK day, nothing special, everything cancels each other out.
No Buko Man + The Girl in Thongs =
Wonderful day, calluh, callay!
Buko Man + No Girl in Thongs =
Break out the coffee maker and the antacids. It's gonna be a long day.
Maybe i should just read horoscopes like any normal weirdo. Especially the ones at Inquirer Libre. I swear they're very accurate...
Unfortunately, the contents of today's journal are nothing like what the title suggests.)
Some things you take for granted. You do them without much thought. Getting up to go to work. Checking your wallet and your cell before locking the front door. And going around the car before you ride in it.
Going from house to the office is a neverending decision on which way to go, yet you always take the common sensical approach and still drive down the usual route.
This is the curious case of how i see my day will shape up. The presence of two omens are my daily oracle, and i have no idea when or how it started.
Commercial Rant
Let me rant about trapik.com for a while before i go back to this edition's premise. Here you are, stuck at EDSA and burn with anticipation at the next segment where Bianca (or whoever else is pinchhitting at the moment) will advise you.
Why? What's the point of her advising me that EDSA is at a logjam? Im kinda stuck in the middle. Too late, Bianca. Even worse, she spends the next 2 minutes describing traffic conditions at SLEX, Commonwealth, or Recto.
Hello? Im at EDSA. It just happened they report about EDSA at 6 am and 9 am, which is the times im either at home or already at work. All i wanted was to find out if another decrepit bus or 18-wheeler decided to call it quits at the middle of the road and takes everybody else with them...
Throughout it all, im still stuck at EDSA, while minutes are nervously ticking away.
-----
Part One: Buko Man
OK, so where were we? Ah yes, I usually take the East Avenue route going to EDSA from my place, but since the place is crawling with PUVs, i take the back alley approach and enter through a parallel road. No mess, no fuss.
However, on the junction that leads directly under the Kamuning flyover, i have to pass a narrow street. It is in this intersection where i meet Buko Man, the first of two precognizants of how my day would fare.
Buko Man is obviously a self-made individual, servicing the coco cravings of the community at the back of LTO. Personally, i loathe him and his buko-esque appearance. He carries the standard fare of bukos, a trusty saber, and his long-and-wide wooden cart. Problem is, Buko
Man staked a spot at exactly the intersection of where i pass.
This situation is compounded by the fact that a pipeline curiously protrudes in the middle of the road, so if you won't be careful navigating, your wheel or your axle would cleanly smack into the pipe, producing that melodious sound of metal grating against metal.
You do the math. Swerve wide to avoid hitting his cart, but not too wide as to hit the pipe. The situation even gets worse when you have other cars up front and behind.
And in between, Buko Man just stands there, looking smugly at you. Oooh, so help me.
There are days when Buko Man is sick, late getting up, or called to ply his trade somewhere. And those times are when i would be relieved and say this might turn out to be a lucky day...
Part Two: The Girl in Thongs
Upon escaping EDSA, i take the Ortigas flyover and turn towards ADB avenue in a looping manner. I don't dare challenge the concrete barriers, as they make an even more abrasive sound that metal-to-metal.
Coming into Galleria, i have two choices, turn left and pass between Galle and Poveda or right where i take the parking entrance. Taking the right gives me a traffic-free and direct path, but it's not always available at the time i come in.
If i chose that path, it will lead me to the side of the mall where they have various posters on display. One of them is The Girl in Thongs.
Actually, she's advertising Sorella undergarments (i think so, since there's nothing else to see). However, she is crouched in such a way that she displays cleavage but doesn't have a clear view of her thongs. The picture is cropped in such a way as only the topmost part of the thongs are seen.
Obviously, i like what i see, but traveling in a dark tunnel doesn't really afford me the chance to slow down to a crawl to admire the handiwork. Even if i did, there's always too little to see. Luckily for me, she manages to fix me with a half smile. My heart starts to race as i make the final two turns before descending into the Hades of a building i call the office.
My fixation with TGIT became apparent when i realized that after driving by TGIT for the hundredth time, i noticed that i was opening my headlights to shine into the poster. Not that it helps the view, but i think i do that to signify my presence to her.
"I'm here, baby, and i'm glad to see you. Can you turn around just this once?"
Once of these days, i'll give her a name.
----
Part Three: I Ching, Iceman
In summary:
Buko Man + The Girl in Thongs =
OK day, nothing special, everything cancels each other out.
No Buko Man + The Girl in Thongs =
Wonderful day, calluh, callay!
Buko Man + No Girl in Thongs =
Break out the coffee maker and the antacids. It's gonna be a long day.
Maybe i should just read horoscopes like any normal weirdo. Especially the ones at Inquirer Libre. I swear they're very accurate...
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